I’ve been wanting to write a post about year one of my marriage. But I find myself sitting here stumped on how to even start it because my first year of marriage was a whirlwind, and it still hasn’t let up.
A whirlwind in terms of getting married when our first daughter was 8 months old, getting pregnant a couple months after marrying and having our second daughter a few weeks before our first anniversary. So sometimes I really feel like the first year as a married couple was a bit blurry. I mean we haven’t slept in years and you can throw the weekly date night out the fingerprinted, food-smeared, snotty ass window.
The first year of our marriage was obviously impacted by adding a second child to the mix yet at the same time it’s just normal life for us. We don’t know marriage without children since we started down the “having children” path first. It’s a hard concept to explain. So let’s…
Backtrack to our Wedding
It was amazing; the food was delicious, the cake was beautiful, the dancing was on point, my husband looked oh so smoking hot, our daughter was adorable, our families were a freakin blast and my dress was… I mean c’mon look at it! I could relive that day over and over for the rest of my life.
We lived together prior to marriage so honestly not much really changed right after we got married. We already had a baby together so those monstrous stresses weren’t new. We already had a house so we didn’t feel the need to move. We already had a shared bank account so that issue had been dealt with. Many of the issues that crop up in the first year of marriage we had already been confronted with and worked through them together. So the only thing that really changed was that we were now legally tied to each other, we had rings and I had a different last name (which was actually many conversations in the making – we’ll save that for it’s own post).
We went back to our home, our dog, daughter, etc. and continued living our lives. So even though we were officially married, not much actually changed.
Within the first few months after the wedding…
there seemed to be new stresses and issues that came about. Maybe they weren’t actually new; maybe they existed the whole time but were covered up by more important or more obvious stresses and issues.
pregnancy + marriage + a high needs one year old
CONSTANT STRESS + TEARS + FEARS + DOUBTS + ARGUMENTS…
Celebrating one year of
no sleep wedded bliss as a new family of 4!
typical family picture nowadays…
Throughout this first year I learned an unbelievable amount about myself, my husband, family, partnership, priorities, etc. I also learned that marriage is a LOT harder than I ever pictured.
And why doesn’t anyone tell you how hard it is?!?!
So here are 5 unexpected lessons I learned from the first year of marriage:
I’m not near as patient and tolerant as I thought I was. And that’s kinda hard for me to admit because I really thought I was a patient person. But I have found that I lack more patience when it comes to things that come second nature to me and maybe not so second nature to my husband.
I need time away, time to myself, time to think and breathe. I need to reset, sometimes it’s in front of a sappy reality tv show and sometimes it’s just showering with some music on. But I need that and my husband needs it too honestly!
Men and women are soooooooo different!!! I knew this to an extent but my darling husband still blows my mind most days. See my post on the weird lessons marriage has taught me about the opposite sex here.
I am not a forgiver. My mind is like a steel bear trap that grips its powerful teeth around one misplaced pair of keys and won’t let that s*** go. Eventually my heart lets it go… but my mind is heartless. This is definitely something that I have to continually work on.
But one of the most important lessons that I’ve learned, that I’m still learning is that my marriage has to come first and we have to ACTIVELY work on it. Not the kids, not family and friends, not the cleaning, cooking and dog pee. Marriage is 100% effort on both sides and cannot grow and thrive if put on the back burner.
From Another Perspective
Everyone’s scenario with marriage is different; there are different challenges, paths, decisions, etc. but there are also many similarities. Kevin and I weren’t together too long before we married and we also had our 8 month old with us at our wedding so I anticipated having some unique views on the lessons I learned from marriage, but I was happily proved wrong.
So I teamed up with fellow blogger Meg from Insomniac Thoughts to share ideas and tackle writing about the first year of our marriages. Even though we have different life experiences, when it comes to marriage we have faced similar challenges, stresses and triumphs. Meg is a wonderful, honest writer with a unique writing style but the lessons she writes about have strong similarities to mine above. Her perspective is very interesting, relatable and well worth the read. Check it out here: Insomniac Thoughts.
But guess what?!
We survived our first year! And will be celebrating our second anniversary next month. We continue to work on our marriage and maybe one day it will come a little more naturally.
Drop a comment below sharing an unexpected lesson you learned from the first year of marriage!!